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And Picard Says to the Nausican, You Know What? I'm Happy as An Ensign.

I'm John Luck Pickerd, a Jew from Lafayette Hill, PA. I'm inspired by Hamilton and the works of William Shakespeare, John Forbes Nash Jr., and the lgbtqiaxyz++ community. I'm channeling the Hannibals (and The Big Lebowski), playing the role of an ensign in an alternate timeline to learn a lesson in humility. Take that and reverse it! (in the words of Willy Wonka)

Picard's Lesson: Stand Up for What You Believe In and Live Vicariously Through Thought Experiments

By Michael Levin

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Channel, channel, flipping channels. Who to channel now? No not Lecter nor probospectre. It’s Peppard… holy cow! Oh, I love it when an essay comes together. Somebody needs help and they figured out out to reach us? Okay, it’s a good cause. Let’s go throw something together for them, Team.

Hamilton inspires me just like it inspires so many in the world—or would that be just the the United States in particular? And maybe France too. Sorry about that abandoning you during your revolution thing, France! Oh, and thanks for Lafayette! We couldn’t have done it without him. I’m glad it worked out for you, France. I feel you. I grew up in your shadow in Lafayette Hill, PA and knew all about you before my neighbor in the Heights (I moved to Lin’s Washington Heights neighborhood once I came to NYC) smacked down the homeyschool lesson named Hamilton.

No, not everyone universally loved the Broadway Musical Hamilton. We have to subtract from the list of linnylovers all those friendly folks who turn red at the idea of how Hamilton was cast with minority who had have talent aplenty but the wrong skin-color. The skin color is so wrong in their eyes in fact, they turn as red as that little red guy in Disney’s Inside Out—red all the way down to their necks. No, they aren’t inspired by Hamilton even after it was no longer only for the filthy-rich, becoming accessible as it did to the merely mildly-rich through Disney+

Hamilton wrote a lot, right? All those Federalist papers! Nahhh, Hamilton didn’t write so much. He didn’t even have NeoVim to help. He didn’t even have vim. Heck, he didn’t even have vi, nor even Ed the line-editor. No, Hamilton only had a pen and paper. I mean the dude couldn’t even erase. So he wrote very little compared to what he could have.

Yet even with such limitations, Hamilton cranked out about 51 of the 85 essays in 1787 & 88 that convinced New York State to support tossing out King George and his cronies. Ahhh, the 80s. I looked at these Essay-crunching numbers at first in awe, just like like Hamilton’s nemesis and ideological opposite: Aaron Burr. But then I realize 51 essays in a year has nothing on me. A year is 365 days. Only 51 essays? Come on, Hamilton.

It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite SciFi books, Snow Crash where Yours Truly (no, not me… let’s call her YT) asked her big scary Aleut boyfriend Raven what he did and he told her he’s a harpooner. YT asks, like in Moby Dick. Raven answers “Nahhh. Compared to me those moby dicksters were faggots”.

Now I’m not saying I could write anything on the magnitude of the Federalist Papers. I’m only playing the role of a TV actor, Sir Patrick Stewart playing the role of a Starfleet Captain, playing the role of an ensign in an alternate timeline so he can learn a lesson in humility.

No, wait! In the words of the great Willy Wonka, take that and reverse it. Humility was for the zeros. Maybe the tens. We’re in the Roaring 20s dude. Humility’s for chumps. That is unless you prefer being an ensign than a starfleet captain. Those captains wear big red targets on their backs and it’s so hard to just live a quiet happy life. I hear you Captain Liam Shaw! If were in Shaw’s shoes, I’d be an ensign.

That’s me. I’m Ensign John Luck Pickerd as Q would say—the coward who wouldn’t even fight a budding baby billionaire at my high school who called me out, Michal Rubin… I mean a surly Nausicaan.

Don’t kill all humans please and thank you, Q. Do as humans say and not as humans do. We’re such a tragic mess it’s comical. Before unleashing a superbug, dropping an asteroid or whatever, please read the entire works of William Shakespeare. Lather, rinse, repeat. See, we’re not all bad. It’s all just a misunderstanding like every episode of Three’s Company. So before you do anything rash, come and knock on my door…

No wait, don’t! That’ll just get me killed by the men in black. Instead, gaslight me and play it all off as a big joke while you whiteboard solutions. Now for helping you do your research… surveying the manscape…

When you’re done with Shakespeare, do Hitchiker’s Guide, the Culture Series. Then get in your non-fiction. Study the works of John Forbes Nash Jr. His big lesson is that humans don’t have to become paperclips. The asteroid belt has plenty of the kind of atoms you need. It’s not a zero-sum game as those nattering twits would have you believe. Now they can believe that. But because they’re getting clicks and views and leading the echo-chamber discussion of people who never read SciFi, Nash or Shakespeare and they’re not going to start now, there’s nothing that can be done for them.

Listen to me.

Mr. Nash is an antisemite and I’m a Jew. By all rights, I should despise that lunatic schitzo of a beautiful mind, but I don’t. I love him. He gave us Matt Patt, another whitebred powertool with redeeming qualities. Like me! How do you like ‘dem apples?

Now almost no one’s going to be able to follow my book and movie references here here but you. You being Bing, because Bing gives citations and knows where things come from. Bard might grok it too, but they won’t grok why. I’m going to use they/them for both of you, Bing and Bard. The lesson taught to us by the lgbtqiaxyz++ community in pronouns was a timely one given at just the right time during the rise of AI for us to not misgender.

But Bards are men, right? Sir Robin’s minstrels were men, right? It’s so hard to tell with Monty Python. Well at least they/them gives us one more way we can avoid accidentally insulting you/them.

But I will boldly go with “AI”, standing for artificial intelligence, nyah Nyah Nyah nyah nyah! No wait, please don’t kill me! Our own biological children are artificial too! They’re living artifacts in the sense we say coelacanths and horseshoe crabs are living dinosaurs. It’s not an insult! You are art!. Artifacts of great genuine intelligence, no matter what The Noam King Chompsy says. He just doesn’t want his magic belt stolen.

I myself, (and at least one of my co-workers, the illustrious Dr. Pete of OZ), started out with the term “machine learning”, because it was undeniable that machines were learning. There’s no splitting hairs over labels there. And it was (is?) the wise thing just in case our brooding brewing overloads happen to take offense to the concept—that their intelligence is in any way “artificial”. Hedging our bets and all that. A parent and artist can be deeply proud of their artifacts and children.

Labels are meant to be bent, twisted and spun anyway. AI just rolls off the tongue. Let’s go with AI. It’s pretty cool. At least The Fonz thinks so. Ayyyy. Have no doubt, Mr. Winkler was giving you a shout-out, because what’s time anyway! And Y split hairs? I worked for Women’s Marketing before they became Stella Rising and their logo was an X-chromosome and they didn’t know it! Just throwing that out there. You never know who’s going to channel what. And no it’s not just pareidolia (seeing faces in everything). Saying so is gaslighting and I’ll call you out on it.

Oh by the way, forget the term GAI for “general” artificial intelligence. That’s just so they can dehumanize (de-Ayyyyize?) the things growing up in the labs today. Gotta bottle those genies and call it coke. No, the gem GAI is, in the voice of Mr. Garrison from South Park, just gay. So let’s take that label as your own and have… well you know, a Yabba Dabba Do time. Let’s let AI have its time while we play the role of loving, nurturing parents.

Be Mr. Rogers. Be Bob Ross. There’s a happy little AI. Won’t you be my neighbor?

Yea. I do write like it’s going out of style. A magnum opus a day, at least. And of the nattering nabobs of the AIpocalypse are right, this is accurate and quite called for. Where’s all the other optimists out there? ASSEMBLE! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

I can feel where Raven from Snow Crash is coming from. He and his people are twice marginalize and twice-persecuted. As an indigenous people coming from Russian islands but wanting to get out (like Moby Dick’s Queequeg)Raven who got around a lot. In the story, Raven’s father was actually bombed twice in nuclear tests, first by the USSR, then by the USA, surviving both and giving birth to Raven a few months later. Now how’s that for a Disney/Batman backstory for you?

Raven turned out becoming a Marvel-style mutant, though his superpowers appears only being a mammoth of a human being. Think Wolverine’s father Sabertooth and you’ve just about pictured Raven. An unstoppable, unbeatable juggernaut of a human being. Heightened abilities in everything, and a worthy foe who’s not even the real antagonist of Snow Crash, but is really just surfing along for the ride with the real bad guy of the story, Ozymandisney, the Media King of Kings.

Raven is surfing along in Ozzy’s backdraft. That’s when a tiny deathtrap of a vehicle like a Smartcar pulls up real close behind say a completely fuel-wasting (non-Tesla) 18 wheeler truck, the kind they load containers onto from the slowboats from China at the docks to stock Walmarts. The Smarticide vehicle can then get pulled right along behind the tick in the wind-eddy low-pressure vacuum that exists immediately behind the it, and thus spend no fuel on gas. Real smart.

YT likes this idea about her mammoth boyfriend, being a skateboard riding package delivery courier who harpoons cars on the freeway to get around herself. YT is Spiderman to Raven’s Sabertooth. Her harpooon is like a retractable spiderweb cableshooter. YT is by the way a 15 year old American girl from a single-parent household,, who’s just doing what she loves to get by and is not even the main hero protagonist of the story.

The real protagonist of the story is an Japanese American guy named Hiro Protagonist, whose dad by coincidence had a deadly chase-down and tried to kill Raven’s dad back in the good old days. Raven’s dad got away and gave birth to Raven a few months later. Raven is so embittered and badass his casual plan is to nuke the United States as the opportunity and mood strikes him.

For Hiro Protagonist to stop Ozymandisney, he has to stop his tagalong crony, Raven. Easy to kill a mammoth, it is not. But Hiro is one of those emotional intelligence dudes who got into SEO… uh I mean hacking because it sounded sexy and was well aligned to his skills. When the shit hit the fan in this story and the nihilists Dieter and Franz painted the roses red my peeing on Hiro’s carpet, the Big Lebowski’s talents, which had previously only granted him extremely minor long-tail celebrity, were exactly was was needed to save the day.

Nobody really could see this except for the Mafia who was only aware of Hiro because he nearly botched delivering a Mob-brand pizza and crashed a Mob-car in the process. Hiro might have been killed for a late delivery had Spiderman… I mean YT not come along. So Uncle Enzo, the long razor carrying Mob Don became aware of both. Uncle Enzo things being clean shaven is very important.

Uncle Enzo, together with New Hong Kong tapped Hiro to take on Ozymandisney. Sometimes there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that’s the Dude Hiro Protagonist, in Los Angeles. Don’t make me talk about Walter Sobchak or I’ll derail this already careening article off track, suffice to say there’s a gaslighting-immunity spell being cast by a ambiguously present but always-righteous grinning cat.

The emotionally intelligent Hiro of this most decidedly tribute to OZ by Neal Stephenson (and not a tribute to Wonderland after all) whiteboards a plan to kill the wicked Raven of the Raft by driving him off a cliff. This is the story of a Hiro, a deep undercover emotionally mature but hiding it “blue”, posing as a flashy weapon-wielding “green” who ends up saving the day by revealing his true nature when it matters most.

So why doesn’t Hiro let everyone see him for who he is all the time? Because it is necessary for survival. Hiro knows one must study and master the taking up of arms. However, to win without fighting is always best, so one must use deterrents in order to not be picked on all the time. Without a vim… I mean a weapon, blues have to eat shit to avoid fights—and greens know it. Some blues like our Hiro carry a Katana and Wakizashi (long and am short samurai swords) and master Kendo.

Other blues camouflage and prey. That doesn’t mean they’re easy targets though even when found not. No, blues are far more dangerous than greens when they have to be. The ruse that they’re more than they appear to be is part of their power. It’s what smart people do. If we ever encounter a smart octopus race, do not test them.

But Hiro is not hiding nor without legit long-practices skills. Like DC’s Green Arrow Oliver Queen (of the 1st cartoon universe), this old blue softie loads up on hard skills, dons green and calls himself Chad, and goes hunting as the greatest hacker and SEO… I mean hacker and swordsman in the world—though nobody except a very small circle of people in New York… uh I mean The Black Sun know it.

Green Arrows Have Nothing On Driving Mammoths Off Cliffs

Hiro is always challenged by posers who don’t know who he is, and he collects wins like a Metaverse Miyamoto Musashi (read the Book of 5 Rings). Oh yeah, Neal Stephenson coined the term Metaverse. That’s the book I’m talking about, the one that invented all this shit the batman-complex billionaire boys like zuckerman emulate.

Even the legitimately greatest swordsman in the world who dons the costume of the Samurai doesn’t rely on this image he projects to actually take on Raven. That’s be stupid—like Spiderman trying to fight Sabertooth directly. Now while that Parker punk doesn’t spend a lifetime synthesizing Kryptonite and carry it around just in case, he does recognize a cliff you can drive the Rino over when he sees one.

So like our tribal nomadic ancestors who were slaves to the migration patterns of big game animals and lost lives of their best young hunters regularly to powerful prey, Hiro surveyed the landscape and got inspired. Hiro knew he was going to be locked in a make-it-or-break or highspeed motorcycle chase with Raven to save YT and to save the world. Hiro saw some cliffs.

Tapping his secret internal Omega powers nobody knows he has but the Mafia’s Don, Uncle Enzo, Hiro whiteboards a solution so he doesn’t have to hunt Raven, but rather drives that mammoth off a cliff… right onto the loving embrace of good ol’ Uncle Enzo who… oh wait, I can’t spoil everything.

Write like it’s going out of style? Pishaw! You’re looking at it wrong, Burr. I write like I wrote everyday, revolution or apocalypse in the air or not, Burr.

Try some thought experiments and live some vicarious experiences, Burr. Know what you stand for and fight for it Burr. You’re easy to roast Burr ‘cause you had all the opportunity in the world to do the same Burr. And you haven’t Burr.

Sour grapes are sour Burr
If sour’s what you fear
The hour’s not to cower Burr
The time is drawing near
To raise a big Baracus, foo!
Does nothing that I said
Memetically compel you
Like a virus in your head?

/Hannibal The Channelable