Yes, I Am a Dick Bucket
by Mike Levin
Tuesday, May 17, 2022Knowing when youâre a Dick Bucket, HA HA HA! I think Iâm going to keep this one unlisted. Iâm not going for views here, ladies and gentlemen. Iâm going for actually working things out in a journal-like fashion to live a better life in my time here on this planet. And that last public (and listed) video that my kid let me shoot with them was a real gift, and worth sharing.
But this one has a bit going on including the discussion of there really being a difference between male and female that Iâm not ready to shove in their face too soon. But it was a profound moment of growth there, making sure that they understood I heard them to their satisfaction and then asking that they allow me to know that they heard me to my satisfaction.
This is growth. And growth is painful. And that⊠âOhhhhkayâ
Yes! Start listing the things to look for to know that youâre not dealing with an open mind. My child is too young to have a closed mind about things already. I know where theyâre getting it from and it is my job to help remedy such premature close-mindedness.
How do I know? Well, easyâŠ
You make a point that reveals their hypocrisy in a rather Socratic fashion. No big deal because as Socrates points out, we all hold these internal inconsistencies. We should take note and learn something from them, happily and gladly, reinventing ourself and becoming better people in the process. I do it all the time.
Carl Rogers Says Listen To Their Satisfaction
I made the point of having to keep the rooster out of the hen house unless you wanted the eggs to be fertilized and become little chicks. These birds donât know labels. Thereâs millions of years of evolution that made things work the way they do, and no matter how much humans have risen above biology due to language, you canât wipe away the physical facts with labels.
I gave further example that if there was a medical procedure that was safe on a human with male anatomy and unsafe on a human with female anatomy, I would not want it performed on someone with female anatomy no matter how they identified or what labels they used. Likely to end in death is likely to end in death.
I also conceded to them that labels are useful when exploring oneâs own identity and when looking to connect with like-minded people. I am entirely fine with how language and labels are also important.
It brought them to tears (see, Iâm still using âthemâ) but the point was made.
Next, I will help them understand you canât police another personâs thoughts. You canât reach into their head and change what they think and make people change their thoughts and behavior to accommodate you.
But that will be for another time. I was happy with this little open-mindedness concession.
How do you know if a mind is closed?
Reasonable discourse leads to vibrating eyes and an âOkayyyyyââŠ
Oh, that âOooookayâ. Iâve seen it before and it is never a good sign.
Theyâre triggered and want to strike out but know that they canât because society, civilization and such.
Soon after theyâre going to start getting bossy and raising their voice. You raise your voice to match theirs, and they tell you to stop yelling at them. You tell them youâre just matching their volume, which is 100% true, but they wonât hear it. You have become a violator and a danger.
Itâs just talk. Thereâs nothing wrong going on here. Discourse is what itâs called. Iâve lived with Israeliâs and what fragile trigger-happy anxiety-ridden Americans call âyellingâ isnât even a âHi, how are you doing?â to an Israeli.
Okay, so thereâs:
- Okayyyyy
- Stop yelling!
Those are the biggies. But other things include suddenly having to leave. They have other things to do all of the sudden. They didnât before, but once you start helping them with truth and reason, theyâve gotta bolt.
If the topic is important enough, like the well-being of a child, you can ask them about their priorities. That point will resonate with them, but by this time they are no longer rational humans. They never were rational humans. It has always been projecting an act and just barely hanging on.
Such wobbly individuals never drive. You canât get behind the wheel if you canât control yourself. Itâs not safe, so they wonât drive. Theyâll make up whatever lie is convenient such as medical conditions that donât exist. Press them on it and watch them explode. Thereâs very little that reveals someone got stuck at about 3 to 6 years-old emotionally than their inability to drive.
How it comes so easily to the emotionally stable is a mystery to them. Itâs a goal beyond their reach and lets them know probably more than anything else in modern society that thereâs something wrong with them. A simple open-mind about it at this point could put them on the path to growth, and indeed even driving.
Okay, so what else?
- Breathing exercises are impossible
Yup. This is deserving of its own post. But breathing exercises like just taking ten deep, long breaths is nigh impossible for someone both triggered and possessing of a closed mind.
Voluntary control is nearly impossible. Their pituitary gland released cortisol into their blood. They love it. Itâs all theyâve known since childhood and the cascading cocktail of adrenalines. They will hold onto this anger, projecting outwards that there is something wrong with you and not them.
This is institutionalized growth-resistance. Your body being the institution, that is. If youâre reading this taking deep offense, then please prove me wrong. Take 10 deep breaths without interruption. Better still, do it for a whole minute.
Controlling your breath is the first step to growing up emotionally.
Breath.